The Church of the Quivering Otter: The Trials of Galapos



Prove Yourself Worthy of Membership
The Seven Trials of Galapos

Trial #1: The Temporus
In The Treasured Writings, the Book of Abalone, the Otter comes to Our Founder with the message, "Spread the smiles, for the time of the Otter way is come." What, specifically, is that time?
January 17, 1988
About 3:30 pm
Slightly after Miller time
When the Diet Coke of Fate is empty

Trial #2: The Quandary
In The Treasured Writings, the Book of Fur Grooming, it is said that the Otter presents the faithful with a choice at their Final Judgement. What is this choice?
Chocolate or peanut butter?
Porsche or BMW?
Fries or cole slaw?
Cracked abalone or fresh crab?

Trial #3: The Test of Will
Which of the following is NOT one of The Nine Basic Suggestions?
Just play nice.
Floss between meals.
Get plenty of fibre.
Pay us lots of money.

Trial #4:The Dark Question
At the end of the Final Judgement, what two fates may be your due?
The Grand Motel or The Network Reruns
The Super Reward or The No-Fun Time
The Price is Right or The Eternal Annoyances
The Great Picnic or The Eternal Cracking

Trial #5:The Time of Leaving
What do The Treasured Writings refer to as The Time of Leaving?
That little divot below your nose.
The moment after Final Judgement.
That 'nappy' time right after lunch.
The time when Our Founder disappeared.

Trial #6: The Galapos Rendition
How do The Treasured Writings explain the heroic deeds of the Galapos Otter at the Time of Rendition?
The Galapos Otter saw the coming of the Third Dawn of Yarros.
The Time of Rendition brought many plagues, and so the Galapos Otter went mad.
When Our Founder saw the Time of Rendtion coming, he tossed the Galapos Otter headlong into it.
It doesn't seem to go into it, really.

Trial #7:The Floxant Brumbt
What is the power of the Floxant Brumbt?
A whole lot.
Infinite beyond space and time.
212 terawatts.
About that of any other small GIF.

Personal Details
Assuming you pass The Seven Trials of Galapos, How would you like to be known to fellow member of The Church of the Quivering Otter?
Brother ...
Sister ...
Reverend ...
Benefactor ...
Leader ...
Founder ...
Your name here:

Enter the URL of your own home page, if any:

The Otter shall lead the way.

Copyright (C) 1996, 1997 by Kevin Kelm & Nick King