The Church of the Quivering Otter: The Trials of Galapos
Prove Yourself Worthy of Membership
The Seven Trials of Galapos
Trial #1: The Temporus
In
The Treasured Writings
, the
Book of Abalone
, the Otter comes to
Our Founder
with the message, "Spread the smiles, for the time of the Otter way is come." What, specifically,
is
that time?
January 17, 1988
About 3:30 pm
Slightly after Miller time
When the Diet Coke of Fate is empty
Trial #2: The Quandary
In
The Treasured Writings
, the
Book of Fur Grooming
, it is said that the Otter presents the faithful with a choice at their
Final Judgement
. What is this choice?
Chocolate or peanut butter?
Porsche or BMW?
Fries or cole slaw?
Cracked abalone or fresh crab?
Trial #3: The Test of Will
Which of the following is
NOT
one of
The Nine Basic Suggestions
?
Just play nice.
Floss between meals.
Get plenty of fibre.
Pay us lots of money.
Trial #4:The Dark Question
At the end of the
Final Judgement
, what two fates may be your due?
The Grand Motel
or
The Network Reruns
The Super Reward
or
The No-Fun Time
The Price is Right
or
The Eternal Annoyances
The Great Picnic
or
The Eternal Cracking
Trial #5:The Time of Leaving
What do
The Treasured Writings
refer to as
The Time of Leaving
?
That little divot below your nose.
The moment after
Final Judgement
.
That 'nappy' time right after lunch.
The time when
Our Founder
disappeared.
Trial #6: The Galapos Rendition
How do
The Treasured Writings
explain the heroic deeds of the
Galapos
Otter at the
Time of Rendition
?
The
Galapos
Otter saw the coming of the
Third Dawn of Yarros
.
The
Time of Rendition
brought many plagues, and so the
Galapos
Otter went mad.
When
Our Founder
saw the
Time of Rendtion
coming, he tossed the
Galapos
Otter headlong into it.
It doesn't seem to go into it, really.
Trial #7:The Floxant Brumbt
What is the power of the
Floxant Brumbt
?
A whole lot.
Infinite beyond space and time.
2
12
terawatts.
About that of any other small GIF.
Personal Details
Assuming you pass
The Seven Trials of Galapos
, How would you like to be known to fellow member of
The Church of the Quivering Otter
?
Brother ...
Sister ...
Reverend ...
Benefactor ...
Leader ...
Founder ...
Your name here:
Enter the URL of your own home page, if any:
The Otter shall lead the way.
Copyright (C) 1996, 1997 by
Kevin Kelm & Nick King
