Oft-Told Craig's List Lies
"I am 5'9", 250lb with an athletic build."
Ah, no.  You're closer to an Orca build.  Someone weighing 250 pretty much has to be 7'6" tall to be considered 'athletic' at that weight.

"Straight guy seeks cocks to blow."
It's amazing how many ads are like this.  "Straight guy seeking gay sex."  Riiiiiiiiight.  Come out of the closet, dear.

"Tested, clean, d/d free, seeking bareback action"
Face it, if you're into anonymous bareback action and there's a disease that is not present on your dick, it's only because the other diseases edged it out.

"Hung, thick 10 inch cock (pic)"
Funny... you must be measuring from the base of your spine.  I'd swear that's a 5 inch cock, and I'm being generous.

"Stud will go all night for you, baby"
Sure, if by "go all night" you mean "hump for 4 minutes, grunt, then leave."

"I want to give you ladies a nice, full-body massage"
Oh dear, your sentence got cut off. Here, let me finish it for you, "...with my penis."

"...a few extra pounds..."
Since when is a few measured in triple digits...?

"BBW seeks..."
Most people read this as, "Melty Ham-beast seeks..."

"...line-backer build..."
Okay, at least you're conceding that you're chunky.  The difference is that while a line-backer can flip over an SUV, you're doing well when you can flip over in bed.

There's another class of subterfuge on Craig's List, but it goes in the other direction, in the form of people who refuse to believe that the advert reads correctly:

"...seeking hung black guy for..."
"I'm white with a 6" cock.  That's okay, right?"

"...seeking woman for..."
"I'm white with a 6" cock.  That's okay, right?"

"...be height/weight proportional..."
"I'm 5'9" and 250 lbs.  That's okay, right?"

"...w4w ... NO SINGLE MEN!!!"
"Hey baby let me show you how a rael man does it and you'll never go back."

"... mw4w mw4mw ... NO SINGLE MEN!!!"
"I have a 6" cock what time should I come over?"

People, people, people.  You rutting, lying little hump-beasts.  Tsk.

Got more examples of Craig's List Lies? E-mail me.

Copyright (C) 2006 by Kevin Kelm

I want to go home, mommy.