My life's history so far, in no particular order (I'm probably lying about some of these):

• Born, June 25, 1968. (I'm still trying to get over this part.)
• Overcame a bad case of electrogeniphobia. (fear of peeing during electrical storms)
• Mortified to find spiders in my bathing suit. (see first comment)
• Geoff Miller once quoted me. (A point of pride)
• Given sedatives.
• Wisdom tooth painfully extracted in torturous 90 minute session. (Before previous event.)
• Talked to myself out loud. (More than once)
• Knew the guy your mother was talking about when she said "You'll poke your eye out."
• Never got so drunk as to puke, but twice so much as to want to.
• Voluntarily let the dog poop on my shoe.
• High school miscreant. (Rule: NEVER 'fess up to anything)
• Habitually watched "Knight Rider". (Not a point of pride)
• Ran down the steps 5 at a time and tore a tendon. (I'm the guy your mother.... oh never mind.)
• Once learned to say my name backward so it sounded right backward, then forgot how again.
• Observed very young brother to eat the cat's vomit. (I won't mention the parastic worms. whoops.)
• Peed on an electrical fence.
• Never learned the value of 'pi' past a few useful digits. (A point of pride)
• 10 Struggled to pay attention in class. Drew cartoons instead. Failed class. Goto 10.
• Discovered Republicans. (See first comment)
• Cavorted with Bosco Brainly. (This took 2 pots of coffee, 1 liter of Coke, and 26 consecutive hours programming)
• Looked up the meaning of the word "nudibranch". (Just now)
• Not nearly as impressed as I thought I'd be. (Also just now, ongoing regret)
• Watched TV and saw men on the moon. (Had no idea what I was looking at)
• Kept a pet tarantula named "Octal". (Later dubbed "Septal", "Sextal, then "Pental" and then it croaked. It's a math joke. Oh, nevermind.)
• Learned to enjoy programming in Forth. (Not a point of pride)
• Started learning to play the bagpipe. (In an apartment)
• Learned to pass out on cue.
• Discovered abandoned well full of snakes.
• Accidentally drowned gophers.
• Deliberately drowned grasshoppers. (And then played 'Frankenstein' with a 9 volt battery)
• Burned off eyebrows and some hair while playing with fire. (Twice)
• Tutored for ACM and helped student whose program wouldn't do anything because he commented everything out. (to get it to compile)
• Kept pet mold farm "Ralph" hidden in shared ACM office. (Hi Rob :)
• Made artificial stone wall in my office to resemble a dungeon.
• Spat a mouthful of chewed carrots at a childhood bully. Beaten.
• Kicked out of Sunday School as a young lad for singing the wrong words to the songs. ("He's go the whooole world, in his butt!"). Never found religion again.