- Inside-Out-Kitten.com [Mar 15 2002]
It'd be a user-contrib website for pictures of roadkill, with the slogan, "Fluffy was an inside kitty, not an outside kitty. Now she's an inside-out kitty." I'd actually create this website, but I'm sure of two eventualities: 1) The PETA types would go non-linear about it, and 2) Some retard would go out and deliberately harm an animal for it. I don't need either one. So the idea is consigned to this page for posterity.
- Media Player "Favorites" [Aug 30 2001]
Large-storage media players (as in the multi-gig HD-based sort) like multi-gig MP3 players ought to have "Popular +/-" bump buttons, so that when the listener really likes the current song, pressing the "+" button increases its popular rating each time, and pressing "-" on an un-liked song decreases its popular rating. Then in the less-adventurous "Popular" mode, the player plays only the top-most rated songs. Heck, I'd buy an MP3 player that had that capability. Sony et al! Listen up!
- Photon Vector Filter [Jun 04 2001] (first conceived Sep 1999)
Lenses are used every day to bend light. It's how animals and people see, it's how our microscopes work, it's how our telescopes work, it's how our cameras work. In fact, for almost everything we do that needs to bend light, we use lenses.
Over time, we've gotten better at grinding them precisely to improve image quality, and we've developed new materials that have higher indexes of refraction (a measure of how much light's course is bent when entering and exiting the material) so that we can use increasingly thin lenses (an improvement in weight and often cost). But we've never done away with the requirement of having these relatively thick pieces of transmissive material to modify the angles of light to produce the required imaging effect, nor the frequent necessity to have multiple such lenses, each successive one refining the light just a bit more, correcting for the last lens' deficiencies.
However, it may be possible to eliminate lenses altogether (at least for their optical properties)
The idea is to modify concepts used in LCDs (Liquid Crystal Displays) or develop new technologies such that a flat panel is used to filter out light that is not arriving at a specified angle. The sides of the elements absorb radiation, so that rays hitting them are removed, while allowing light moving between them to pass. The elements are very close together, and very long compared to their width, so as to channel light appropriately.
At this point, we have the capacity to intromit light that is coming in parallel, from a specific angle, and block light that is not from our desired angle. The distance between the angled elements determines two things:
1) The "sharpness" of the resulting image, and
2) The frequencies of radiation allowed through (below a certain small size, at least).
The result? Possible uses include:
- Aligning/aiming light that is generated by a device.
- Processing clear images of very distant light sources, where the beams arrive very nearly parallel (uses include telescopes or binoculars and other such things)
The second phase of the idea is to develop the capacity to move the filter elements. One example might be to use LCD technology to move molecules or other structures to alight their directions. Another example would be MEM "stalks" that stick up away from their 2 (or 4) degrees of freedom and which may be moved in very small increments. Approaches to moving these stalks might include moving them electrostaticly (charge the tip of each one a certain amount, to push it away from its neighbors, or steer it with elements on the chip itself) or make them magnetic, to rely on a magnetic field for their position in a way similar to the motion of iron filings in a magnetic field). At this point we can change the device's overall "aim".
The third phase involves being able to move each of the elements individually. This gives us the ability to change our field of vision (FOV), depth of field (DOF, or a measure of focal range), as well as telescopic/microscopic zoom. It also lends us the new ability to have a single device focus on/examine more than one object at a time, sending each object's image to a different portion of the imaging plane (be it film, a CCD, or whatever).
These illustrations show the PVF device in side/top profile. It is implied that they are (or can be) in a two dimensional plane, a 2D field of such elements, rather than just the single dimension portrayed here.- Copyright-safe web images [Jul 20 2000]
Artists on the web are starting to add little bits of Javascript to their pages that "eat up" the right mouseclick event so that their sample images can't be saved (at least by the average person). A possibly stronger way to do this would be to:- Have the images stored on the server in some encrypted format
- Have a plugin (or native browser support) that reads this encrypted format
- The plugin computes two frames from the source image where each pixel is skewed by random chroma noise in one frame, and in the second that color is compensated for by skewing in the other direction.
- New Racial Designator [Jun 4 2000]
We need a new measurement of race. Rather than black, white, hispanic, asian, we just assign a scalar melanistic number. Albino would be 0. Irish would be 10 or so, and the darkest-skinned people would be 100. Everybody else falls somewhere in between. By removing nationalistic/ regional/historical labels, we can be less divisive. As a label, either one is "Asian" or one is not-- there's no middle ground, even though in reality there exists a continuum of shades of skin. Does this mandate that people "lose their heritage?" No, of course not. But if I'm M23 and you're M85... what's the difference? ONE PEOPLE! :-)- Coined the phrase, "Ass Dialing" [Mar 18 2000]
"Ass Dialing" is something usually achieved by people with very large, very talented asses who wear cell phones on belt clips. When they sit on their phones, random button presses result in random calls all over the world. The recipient of these calls hears nothing but a stream of DTMF button tones. I should know. It's now roughly 5:30AM on a Saturday morning, and I've just received such a call. Thanks to the wonders of caller-id, I was able to inform the Ass Dialer on the other end that they have a serious weight problem, thus saving the day. While not wholly appreciative now, I'm sure they'll come to thank me some day. NOTE: As of this writing, Alta Vista, Yahoo, Lycos, and HotBot did not have ANY listings for the term.- Professional Trophy Freak [Jan 10 2000]
I'm goinng to start a new business. I'm going to grow a mohawk, get a bunch of piercings and tattoos, and hire myself out as a Trophy Freak for single children of rich parents that want more Trust Fund money-- for only %15 of the proceeds, I'll accompany them to "meet the folks"-- male or female, doesnt matter-- and we'll pretend to be madly in love and shacking up-- I'll be horribly rude to the family, there will be a HUGE blow-up, and in the aftermath my client will extort phenomenal money out of Mom and Dad as an ALTERNATIVE to our "unholy union", I'll get 15%, and walk! I don't forsee a lot of repeat business. Why do I picture this being the topic of a really bad Hollywood film 6 months from now?- Double Dose of "Do The World A Favor" [Dec 18 1999]
OK, this one's not high on the "doability" list, but I think we should appeal to the GODS ON HIGH to swap the life circumstances of two individuals with very similar names; because their names are so close, it shouldn't take TOO much magic. JUST IMAGINE a healthy, animated Steven Hawking teaching and theorizing and working... and a withered, quadruplegic Steven King less capable of churning out dreck horror crap.- Rescue Worker IR Strobe Markers [Oct 7 1999]
Recently there was a big search in the nearby mountains for a lost little boy. They decided to send up a helicopter equipped with a very sensitive infra-red camera system that can spot people, even those hidden under trees, logs, etc. As I understand it, they had to delay the flight in order to get the search and rescue personnel off the mountain first (because it would be hard to distinguish their heat signatures from that of the little boy).
How many hours (and lives!) could be saved if they simply put tiny battery operated IR strobes (LED based) on the rescue workers, so that the IR camera operator above can distinguish them from the person for whom they are searching?
These devices already exist and cost pennies to make; bars regularly give away such trinkets all the time. One I saw was for "Zima" and it had two blinking LEDs on it. One of the LEDs would have to be visible red, so that the person wearing it can know that the batteries are still good, and the other can be replaced with an IR LED. Such a device would run for many hours, and when used up, just be discarded. They would be easy to weather-proof, and could be sticky-backed for the top of helmets or have stick-pin backs to be placed on backpacks, shoulders, chests, backs, etc (each worker should have more than one, just to make sure there is one visible at all times). The bar novelties last longer by using a very low duty cycle on the LEDs; that would have to be inversed so that they are usually on and blink briefly off, for improved visibility.
The device would also be useful to the police, who also use the helicopter-based IR camera technology to track criminals. The officers in the chase could turn on their IR strobes so that the camera operator can easily tell them from their quarry (though for security reasons, they might not want to have a visible indicator that might tip off the fleeing suspect as to the officers' locations).- Unprecedented Internet Data Compression [Oct 7 1999]
Since (roughly) 97.3% of the bandwidth used on the Internet is for sending pictures of breasts, I propose a piece of software that can examine image files for their breast content and describe the breasts according to a handful of reliable metrics. I estimate a 94% lossless compression ratio using this approach. Yeah, right. :)- Smarter Aliens Already, OK? [Oct 4 1999]
I've decided that if aliens really are real, and if they really are visiting the planet, then they must be stupider than the hillbillies they're here to anally probe in the first place. I mean, if I had infinite technology from the galaxy, I would probably fly my ship at night and decorate it with exactly the same blinky lights as man-made aircraft. For hovering, I'd probably even set out speakers simulating the sound of a helicopter, for crying out loud. And under no circumstance would I goose the hyper-light drive when I know people are watching.
If anything, I'd say this is very nearly definitive proof that aliens are not, in fact, visiting the Earth to clandestinely abduct mouth-breathers and probe their butts.- Video Game Enhancements [Oct 1 1999]
I wish that video games like Final Fantasy would watch your usage patterns, and occasionally pop up a "tenacity bonus" sorta thing, worded something to the effect of, "Ok, look-- for the sake of expediency, let's just assume you CONTINUED wandering around fighting boring crap just to raise your stats for another... oh, say, 8 hours. CLICK HERE to gain the equivalent stats and let's just get on with it, Ok?"
You know what else would be nice? It'd be great if, when they're play testing these video games, if they hired somebody who doesn't GIVE a damn about the game at all to stand there and watch the person who IS playtesting it... or just sit in the same room and try to get stuff done. That person can then recommend features like "Please offer an option to turn off that #%&#% 'bloink bloink bloink!' sound every time a button is pressed?"- Lemon Core Samples [Oct 1 1999]
I wish grocers would sell, in the freezer section, small bags filled with frozen lemon core samples (I dont mean 'core' in the 'apple core' sense, just 'core' as in 'cylindrical slice of lemon'). The core should be just the right size to slip down the neck of single-serving bottled water bottles. Also, I'd love to see ice cube trays that cast ice cubes the same way-- both ideas would dress up the 'bottled water experience'!- Tranquilizer Gun for Cops [Sep 30 1999]
The police ought to be equipped with a tranq pistol that they can, at their own discretion, use on people threatening them and/or being excessively violent or otherwise unreasonable. I.E., if a man is wielding a knife threatening to hurt himself or others, rather than fill him full of lead, it should be at the officers' discretion to instead pull out their tranq guns, *PSHUCK*PSHUCK!*, and take the suspect into custody at their own liesure.- Coined the word "ENNUIUI". [Sep 29 1999]
Ennuiui ( ahn - WEE - wee ) (n) - The act of peeing your pants out of boredom.
Use this word at least six times today.
NOTE: As of this writing, Alta Vista, Yahoo, Lycos, and HotBot did not have ANY listings for the term.- Safer Subway Station Power Rails [Sep 29 1999]
Every time I've been in a subway station without the train present, I've stared at the rail pit and the third rail like a mosquito appraises a bug zapper. Anybody falling in the hole stands a fair chance of accidentally touching the rail... dangerous!
I'd like to see them cut the power rail just outside the subway station itself in both directions up and down the line, say about 10 feet into the tunnels. Then place pressure transducers under the weight bearing rails, and use IGBT junctions (high power transistors with low power switching inputs) or the like to energize the power rail inside the station ONLY when a train is actually present at that location. As soon as the train leaves the room, power to the rail pops off. It may be necessary to run a shunt line for the length of the break to maintain continuity of the rail circuit through the station. This way the rail is safe whenever the train is not directly on top of it.- Passive Terrain Reconnaissance [Sep 28 1999]
This idea marries two others: the 360 degree camera and the starlight turbulence sensor. The idea is that it would be possible to analyze the region around a vehicle to determine the 3D characteristics of the terrain at night. The 360 camera would track the motion and flickering of lights surrounding the vehicle; distant street lights, farmhouse lights, even stars. The position of such lights can be calculated by their velocity assuming the vehicle's velocity is already known. As objects in the dark move between the vehicle and the distant light source, the light will flicker on and off. When it is on, the computer can plot a line of "open space" between the camera and the light. When it is off, the computer can know that somewhere in the space between the camera and the light source there is an obstruction. This results in a thin "pie shaped" slice where the obstruction might be. Actually, the size/distance of the obstruction can be partially known by the amount of time the light stays off as the vehicle moves forward. Also, tracking multiple light sources at once can help resolve the error mathematically. The more light sources there are being tracked, the more complete the 3D picture of the surrounding terrain. Why do this? Law enforcement... military... who knows?- "Name the Tune" Software Tool [Sep 28 1999]
How many times do you hear songs that you can whistle, but can't name, but would LOVE to own?
It'd be great if one could download a client tool, possibly spread for free by the online music stores, such that you could select what genre you wanted & other details. Then-- this is the cool part-- you could speak/hum/"Da doo da" into the microphone that's on almost _every_ computer these days and have the software break the sound down, gleaning beat info, melody info, etc, connect to the Internet, and pull up hints on which song(s) match the song the user might be trying to find.
SCORE! Jeff Vogt says, "The New Zealand Digital Library Project and Greenstone digital library software sort of have a music search engine where you can hum to find a song. The example worked a year ago but doesn't seem to right now... Here's a link for more info."- Commuter Proximity Alert [Sep 24 1999]
Lots of people in high traffic urban areas like LA spend time working in their cars while stuck in traffice; phones, fax machines, laptops, books, notes, correspondence-- all these things take the driver's attention from the road when traffic is completely stopped.
It'd be cool to put a proximity sensor in the front of the car that senses the car in front beginning to move, and sounds a quiet little *BLIP BLIP!* to alert the driver that he can move forward more, rather than sit there blocking traffic and consterning drivers behind him.- Video Image Stabilizer [Sep 21 1999]
The idea is to stabalize shaking video footage, mostly shot from aircraft, by writing software that lets the user click on high contrast elements in the image on an "in" frame and an "out" frame, and then the software watches that object move from frame to frame to frame, figuring out how much frame rotation, translation, and cropping is necessary to smooth out the erratic motion to interpolate that object's position, zoom and rotation from the IN frame to the OUT frame, and apply them to the frames with as little cropping loss as possible (perhaps even allow the user to specify how much cropping is permissible, and smoothing out the motion only to that point). A separate option would stretch the resulting frames a uniform amount to fit the video display again, removing the crop (the crop degree can be constant, or follow timed curves that would approximate zooms).- Spectrum Room Lighting [Sep 17 1999]
I'd love to build a lighting assembly around a large flat rectangle suspended about 5 inches from the ceiling, all painted reflective white. Recessed back from visibility is a long array of LEDs, in 3 channels running around the perimeter; one channel is red, one green and one blue, each brightness-controllable by an HSV controller (HSV is more intuitive for the average person than is RGB); the user manipulates 3 slider switches on the wall. The first slider moves through a color spectrum (red/ orange/ yellow/ green/ blue/ violet in a continuum), the second moves from minimal to full color saturation, and the third controls overall brightness. This lets the room adopt ANY color of lighting desired with the same fixture. The array is actually composed of multiple 1 meter-long segments; each segment answers to one of 8 lighting panel ID's (setable with 3 DIP switches on the back, where any number of the segments can share the same ID), and accepts serial data as input on one end, and retransmits it out the other end (to maintain signal strength). Serial commands sent to the unit have the pattern, by byte: 255(attention), channel mask (bitset), Red, Green, and then Blue (5 bytes per command). Other commands might be added for effects, like blink (controlling blink colors and rate), fade, set preset (default) color, goto preset color, etc. Great for public exhibits, club lighting, and even upscale home lighting. It could even be controlled in parallel (with servo-feedback sliders) by a central lighting computer that can control the whole building's lighting/coloring automatically.
NOTE: Cohort Jonah claims this was his idea. Oh well.- Adaptive Camera Aperature Control [Sep 10 1999]
This image shows what a typical viewer would see at a sunset; the sky is bright, and the land and tree are very dark-- nearly sillouhetted. This idea proposes that a camera can selectively darken and brighten specific regions of the image in the same frame for improved detail in the image. This isn't necessarily for normal photography conditions, but is definitely desireable for surveillance, effects, and some commercial photography. The key is an extra step in the normal shoot sequence (an SLR camera is shown here); the camera has a CCD image sensor above the eyepiece, which feeds invert/contrast circuitry, which drives a transparent LCD panel in front of the film. That panel can selectively transmit light on to the film plane behind it. 
When the trigger is pressed, the aperature sensor CCD is exposed. 
The aperature control circuit inverts the black and white image, and applies a curve to darken the dark areas, lighten the light areas, and leave the midrange more or less alone. 
The shutter closes, the aperature sensor and eyepiece mirrors move out of the way, and the shutter is opened for a longer time than the shutter speed indicates so that more light can be collected for the dark areas of the image; the bright areas are protected from overexposure by the LCD being darkened at those locations.
If the LCD shutter were to be moved to the front inside the camera housing before light gets to the eyepiece mirror, it would be possible to allow the photographer to adjust the contrast curves for each frame. It might also be possible to do the analysis with a color CCD and LCD, allowing the photographer control over the color brightnesses of the picture, too.The resulting image has fine detail in the bright areas, in the midranges, and even what would normally be dark shadows. NOTE that the image still has full film resolution; it is only the exposure levels that are limited to the resolution of the internal LCD panel. 
Digital cameras (and possibly video cameras) could streamline this whole process by looking internally at the first image the CCD captures, sending it through the aperature control circuit, and using the results to tell the CCD how much to expose each pixel (assuming one could make a CCD or CMOS imaging chip that could control exposure time on a pixel-by-pixel basis) for the creation of the final image.- Location-specific *INF Cell Phone Service [Sep 7 1999]
*DUI and such already route you to the nearest highway patrol station; the cell network knows where each caller is at (or at least which cell they're in). It would be GREAT to have a service for *INFO or somesuch, that when I dial the number, it's completely automated:- "Press 1 for service stations..."
- "Press 2 for lodging..."
- "Press 3 for restaurants..."
- "Press 4 for local attractions..."
- "Press 5 for local events..."
- (etc)
- "Press 1 for McDonalds..."
- "Press 2 for Sizzler Steak House..."
- (etc)
- "Press 1 for business hours..."
- "Press 2 for driving directions..."
- "Press 3 to speak with the business..."
- (etc)
- Automatic Politeness [Aug 28 1999]
Speech-recognition techology is increasingly reliable and profuse; Why could it not be built into small, ubiquitous units mounted everywhere in public places that listen for the sounds of bodily functions (farts, burps, sneezes, etc), and when it detects such sounds, it automatically speaks, "Bless you!" or "Gesundheit!" or "EXCUSE you!", as appropriate.- Electronic Soul Tester [Aug 23 1999]
I want to make a pair of calipers with electrodes in the tips, leading to a hand-held device that measures skin galvanic response, which is known to change when people are under stress or lying. Close the calipers (gently of course) on the temples of the subject, and have him ask aloud, "AM I WORTHY TO GO TO HEAVEN?". Wait 5 seconds, then press the button. The needles moves either toward "Heaven" or "Hell", depending on how nervous the subject is, his own sense of guilt answering the question. Useful to clergymen!
SCORE! Even though I intended this to be a joke, I'm now told that it is precisely what the Scientologists do.- Frozen Meatsicle Snacks [Aug 19 1999]
I want to market frozen meatsicles in flavors Pork, Beef, and Spicy Chicken flavors. The TV jingle will go, "Sunny weather can't be beat / When you're licking frozen meat! BING!"- Coined the word "BAHOOZLE" [Jun 12 1999]
Bahoozle ( buh - HOOZ - l ) (n) - Someone who is a jerk, idiot, or fool.
Use this word at least six times today.
NOTE: As of this writing, Alta Vista, Yahoo, Lycos, and HotBot did not have ANY listings for the term.- Coined the phrase "PRODUCTIVE FART" [Apr 4 1999]
You know. Sort of like a productive cough. 'Nuff said... but I want you to use this phrase THREE TIMES in a sentence this week-- let's see how fast we can propagate its general usage :)
NOTE: As of this writing, Alta Vista, Yahoo, Lycos, and HotBot did not have ANY listings for the term.- Suppository Air Fresheners [Jan 26 1999]
Air fresheners sit in the open air. Breath mints go in the mouth so exhaled air smells fresh and clean, not swampy. And suppository air fresheners with names like "Floral Burst" and "Peppermint Blast" would go in the rump so broken wind would have a fresh, clean, happy scent.- Halitosis-Flavored Mouthwash [Aug 14 1998]
Enough said.- Storm Generator [Jul 28 1998]
If it were possible to rapidly super-heat an entire column of air up into the sky (say, with a large laser?), might it be possible to initiate the motion of air responsible for building a thunderstorm?- Video Bathroom Mirror [Jul 17 1998]
Some desk lamps have sprung arms that hold the position they're placed in; it would be great if someone made a bathroom mirror with a video display embedded in it (the normally mirrored surface would go 'transparent' when the flatpanel video display behind it was lit), and such a positionable arm. At the end of the arm would be a small camera, feeding the display. A button lets the user turn on a light next to the camera, another toggles normal/ magnify mode, and another toggles image X-axis flip mode (so mirror image is left/right corrected, if desired).- Quieting Cars on the Freeway [Jul 16 1998]
It would be great if there was a way to reduce the air pressure where the tires meet the road; this would much reduce the 'roaring' sound that cars make as the tire rubber hits the roadway-- this in turn would reduce noise pollution both inside and outside the car.- 360 Degree Video Capture Lens System [Jul 6 1998]
If a high-resolution CCD camera were placed facing straight up, and a conical mirror (with the point down) were centered on the lens of that camera, it would be possible to capture a single image frame of the camera's surroundings in a full 360 degree panorama. The image will be in "polar" coordinates, and would have to be manipulated a bit to make it work with QuicktimeVR sort of software. Image quality near the bottom of the image will suffer a bit, but this might be compensated if there were a bit of a curve to the 'cone'. Using this approach, 360 degree panorama movies might be easily made.
SCORE! I'm now told that this has been done here and there... notably at http://www.versacorp.com/vlink/product/axialref.htm- Rapture Investments, Incorporated! [Jul 5 1998]
EVERY good fundy wants in on The Rapture! And bets are running high that it will come at the turn of the millenium! Now RII offers a great deal to the devout among the devout, the Rapture Cashout Plan! Yes, when you are brought bodily into heaven in The Rapture, you'll no longer need your Earthly possessions, so get CASH for them NOW, and ownership won't transfer to us until the year 2002! You get to use them RIGHT up to the end! Imagine having 20% of your home's value-- RIGHT NOW-- in your pocket! What? You're a fundamental Christian? Well PROVE your trust in the Lord and call TODAY!- Olympics [Jun 20 1998]
Wouldn't it be great if they stopped handing out the bronze, silver, and gold medallions they give out at the olympics, and instead gave all the winners PORK medallions, hung on the same pretty ribbons? The Olympics could be exciting AND delicious!- Starscope Wind Turbulence Detector [Jun 14 1998]
The more disturbance there is in the atmosphere, the more the stars twinkle at night. If detectors were set up to track a set of wide-spanning stars and keep them in a fix, it would be possible to measure air turbulence along those lines.
With multiple such detector clusters around a region, it might be possible to correllate the values, breaking the line segments up mathematically to get a more complete picture of the 3-dimensional turbulence in the atmosphere overheard.- Optical Pick-up Microphones [Jun 9 1998]
Well-engineered, high quality microphones are very expensive. In a design where a single diaphragm is used to pick up the sound waveform, it seems that it would necessarily generate a fair bit of distortion when multiple frequences are present.
The human ear has a spiral-shaped sound chamber which helps filter sound
of different frequencies to small hair-like receptors, each of which
stimulates nerves when a specific frequency is detected. If one could
build an artificial cochlea (the spiral frequency-filtering structure),
and in from its walls project very small optical fibers, those fibers could
source light from tiny LEDs at their bases. The light falls on a receptor
(or receptors) on the opposite wall of the passage. As sound waves vibrate
the optic fibers, the amount of LED light detected by the receptor changes.
These changes are amplified and sent on to be recorded or recombined back
into the original waveform using similar techniques to those used to turn
MP3-recorded audio back into waveforms.
Also, because the fibers can be VERY small, it will take a very small amount of sound energy to move them, making them very sensitive to quiet sounds.
NOTE: Autofocus cameras work with a tiny linear array of light cells... such a linear array might make a good detection bar, especially with a longer fiber.- Traffic Safety Cell Network [Jun 3 1998]
Place in ALL new cars a cell-phone-like device that is tied to GPS data and the car's VIN#, and which senses road conditions (such sensors are commonly part of cars now), sensing wheel slippage, sudden decellerations, sudden swerves, and of course accidents.
When the sensor system detects a noteworthy condition like "The road is very slippery", the device transmits that information to the local traffic cell tower, which houses a computer that knows how to map locii of GPS coordinates to specific roadways, and which then re-broadcasts notification of that road condition or event to all the cars that are approaching that location on that specific road. In other words, if car A hits a patch of ice in the roadway and slides a little, notification is sent to the cell tower of this information, and the tower retransmits that information to other cars that are approaching that spot in the roadway. The drivers of those cars might hear a sound or a voice telling them about the patch of ice and possibly its approximate distance away.- Electric Amish Beard Trimmer [Jun 1 1998]
COMPLETELY UNTAPPED MARKET!!! The only reason the Amish don't use beard trimmers today is that nobody's designed electric clippers with their SPECIAL NEEDS in mind! Once somebody does that, they'll be rich, I'm sure of it!- Gengineered Systemic Bacteria [May 6 1998]
Bacteria are now routinely designed for their ability to secrete valuable chemicals and drug components. This plan would design NEW intestinal, body, and oral bacteria that spawn SLIGHTLY faster than their current counterparts, and which secrete NOT the normal methane and sulfur sort of chemicals, but instead flowery, air-freshening aromas. These bacteria would be introduced so as to supplant the old species found on and in the human body.- Caffeinated Toothpaste [Apr 20 1998]
(For morning use ONLY) Brush your teeth... get sparkly fresh... AND revving to go.. ALL AT ONCE! No more coffee breath! Quicker! Easier! (ALSO: Caffeinated chewing gum).
SCORE! I'm told that caffeinated chewing gum DOES now exist.
SCORE! I'm told that the Japanese DO have caffeinated toothpaste! Let's toast the land of the frenetically rising sun!- Poop-Rite Rectal Strips [Apr 17 1998]
An aide for the terribly obese!- Remove sticky backing
- Bend and apply to butt cheeks
- Let go!
- Ass cheeks spring violently apart!
- New Shirt Sizes [Apr 11 1998]
Whole markets the clothing industry has thusfar ignored: Shirt size XM (extra medium) and XXM (extra extra medium). Women who would NEVER buy an "extra extra large" T-shirt will FLOCK to by "extra extra MEDIUM" T-shirts!- Sorry 'Bout The Poodle, Ma'am... [Mar 29 1998]
- ...I didn't know socket wrenches had so much torque.
- ...Who knew a lawnmower would just suck up a leash like that?
- ...I'd'a swore the rope was longer.
- ...I didn't think a cross-bow had that kinda range.
- ...I thought them cinder blocks was better stacked.
- ...In the dark, he looked like a charging rhino.
- ...I'd'a swore the rope was shorter.
- ...I'd heard they could hold their breath for hours.
- ...I was sure he'd bark to get out of the trash compactor.
- ...The circus liontamers make it look so easy.
- ...I didn't know it was loaded.
- ...The durn thing got stuck on "puree".
- McDonald's Vegetable Rights Commando Mission [Mar 28 1998]
A group should storm a McDonald's restaurant wearing camoflage gear. In a frenzy, everybody buys french fries and they cluster around a table, cheering on as a few glue and bandage some fries back into a whole potato. When successful to some degree (or just hide the fry mess and produce a previously hidden whole potato), it is held aloft to a cheer, "Victory for vegetable rights! We've saved an innocent potato from certain ingestion!" and they flee from the restaurant.
Media is of course invited ahead of time. It would help to have picket signs with "Veggie Rights Right Now!" and "Save the Innocent Potatoes!" and "Salad Is Murder!"
SCORE! I'm told that Earl Pitts has suggested something somewhat similar!- Digital Baby [Mar 21 1998]
A piece of software that simulates a baby (could be a website). Leave your computer on 24 hours a day, seven days a week. When it cries, deal with it. When it's hungry, feed it. Burp it. Clean it. Change it. Sometimes it smiles. Sometimes it sleeps. Sometimes it wails and there's nothing you can do about it. Tough. It's a baby. "scores" could be kept, and teens could be graded on their effectiveness, all as a lesson to reduce teen pregnancy rates.
SCORE! I'm told that they DO make actual electronic baby dolls that pee and crap and cry and suck your time and attention like the little black holes they emulate. Well done!- Computer Petz [Mar 21 1998]
A cross between Tamatogotchi's and the "Dogz" and "Catz" screen savers, your computer ITSELF becomes a cute "pet" that needs your love and attention to survive. If you fail to "pet" it and keep it happy, it doesn't work as well-- it's slower, mostly. Much slower. If you fail to feed it, it gets sick (disk errors, video glitches, random crashes) and eventually DIES (no longer boots up), and it takes your data with it. Whacky fun!- Underwear Handles [Mar 18 1998]
By putting handles on the back rim of underwear, bullies can more effectively deliver wedgies than when they have to dig in their victim's pants.- Texturized Fur With Underlying "Skin" Texture For Special Effects [Mar 16 1998]
Synthetic fur for costumes and special effects can be hard to make realistically, especially where fur is very short or very sparse; either a full pile fake fur has to be used, or a skin is formed (from silicone or foam latex) and individual hairs are painstakingly 'punched' into it. I've found that preparing skin-tinted slipcasting latex (or silicone) and setting it in a wide, shallow container, then dropping a fake fur INTO it works well; the liquid seeps through the fabric mesh of the fur and forms a very convincing "skin" beneath the fur, which can then be shaved to the desired thickness.- Ultra-Hip Retirement Home For Aged Gen-Xers [Mar 15 1998]
Features to include:- A "Geritol Bar", where patrons try out different old age pharmaceuticals.
- Homeless people employed as food chewers (See above).
- Giant clear plastic balls people can walk around in like gerbils have: cushioned plastic interior prevents painful falls, water-tight to keep "accidents" off the rugs.
- Replacement hip joint vending machines.
- "Depends" vending machines.
- Alternate, creamy/soft menus as alternative to food chewers.
- Day activity: walker races.
- Alzheimer's Ward: same activites every day (who'll know the difference?).
- Depression [Mar 14 1998]
Does the phrase, "Height of the Depression" really make ANY sense?- Micro Mechanical Block Crawlers [Mar 12 1998]
The idea is to build a device that changes its own shape (See Sandia's Micro ElectroMechanical Machines.) The device has a central core for the power source and computers, but is otherwise composed of countless thousands of tiny cubes in a 3D grid, where each cube interlocks with its neighbors (3 sides of each cube have a central projection, while the other 3 sides have four projections on the corners of the face, positioned to interlocked with said central projections). A "+" pattern of contacts in the troughs of the 4-projection faces, combined with the same pattern on the face of the single projections on the other 3 faces forms linear electrostatic stepper motors, used to pull the blocks around relative to each other.- Each block has a tiny bit of local storage and a small computer to sequence the block's linear motors and drive its inter-block communications
- Have X,Y,Z ID's that change as blocks move
- Have power bus connectors and small internal capacitors to buffer power when blocks are moving to the next position.
- Communicate motion commands as they move around each other through signal busses running in all three dimensions.
- Power and communication electrodes are arranged diagonally at corners of the 4-projection faces so that the wrong connectors never touch each other.
If such cells were, say, 1 cubic millimeter, and were connected by the thousands, possibly with a powersource/computer module in the center controlling everything, It would result in a device that could almost arbitrarily control its own shape, by moving planes, lines and individual blocks around dynamically!
SCORE! Researchers are actually working to make this a reality! Click here to see!- Thermal Gas Lenses [Mar 7 1998]
Having watched light distort like a lens through the heated exhaust of large trucks, I wonder if it's possible to superheat gases and shoot them through an orifice shaped like the cross-section of the desired lens, given the index of refraction of the hot gas in question. It's POSSIBLE that if the gas flow is moving fast enough, very close to the jet itself the turbulence might be low enough to produce a workable lens.- UFO Hoax [Mar 6 1998]
Dump that Cycalume stuff (the green glowing liquid in the light sticks) into a pond so that geese land in it (yeah, screw the EPA). Shoo the birds away from the pond (at night of course) so they take to flight. Call the local radio station and tell people you saw lights, so they all look outside and see the chevron of glowing green dots moving silently through the sky.- The Talking Dress-Buddy [Mar 5 1998]
The idea is to help young kids get dressed for school in the morning. A kid-sized wood or plastic cutout of a doll is mounted to the wall. It contains an alarm clock and velcro bits that the parent sticks underwear, socks, tshirt, shirt, trousers, etc to the previous morning. At the appropriate time in the morning it wakes the child up and interactively leads the child through the motions of dressing. "Howdy Buckaroo! Don't forget yer underwear!"- Super Bubbles [Apr 1996]
I've found that the most amazing soap bubbles are formed when the bubble soap is mixed with a good dollop of Coca-Cola... the bubbles actually dry in the air and survive once they land, almost indefinitely. When explicitly popped, the bubble collapses into a thin skin that withers away. The COOL bit is if the bubbles are filled with helium or hydrogen; they have the stability to survive nearly indefinitely, and they just float away (presumable popping once they get to enough of an altitude differential to cause the skin to expand and leak the gas). NOTE: Bubble soap is already hard on carpets and floors, and since this mixture contains sugar, it's even worse because the spots that the soap land on become dirt magnets. Do it outside or not at all!
Score. I guess. Some company is now making a kazillion dollars selling a derivative this as "Catch-A-Bubble". Maybe I should stop posting ideas to the net. :-P- ...MORE TO COME...?
Seriously, I would love to develop any of these [serious] ideas and bring them to fruition. Contact me. :) - Media Player "Favorites" [Aug 30 2001]