The Main Switchboard
Here we see the main IRS switchboard, which receives thousands of irate and frantic calls each day. The agent manning it was genetically engineered to handle just this situation by carefully mis-routing each call.

The Input Console
These IRS agents monitor the Form Input System (or FIS). The FIS optically scans in the income tax forms, successfully analyzing each number you write for information on what you're lying about, automatically adjusting the number appropriately.

The IRS Main Computer
This maze of tangled wires is the IRS computer's Deduction Processing Unit (or DPU). The DPU analyzes each claimed tax deduction and carefully catagorizes it as to whether it is fraudulent, overestimated, or a simple mistake.

The Storage Core
This vast storage bank contains every imagineable detail about every taxpayer in America-- even about you, and that incident with the 12 nuns and the otter.

The Control Room
This immense machine calculates the amount of money you owe in taxes, and calculates which of your possessions is of the most value in case you can't pay (including children). The tiny box on the desk to the right handles tax refunds. Both of them.

The Nursery
Always looking to the future, the IRS plans ahead. This IRS drone worker checks the eggs of the next generation of IRS agents-- all 19,000 of them.

Dealing with Tax Evasion
Sometimes, for one reason or another, a person fails to pay their taxes. If unpaid for too long, sometimes the IRS is forced to levy drastic penalties. Here, while reciting IRS code section, agents Alice 145 of 1000 and 853 of 1000 remotely disconnect a defaulter's kidney dialysis machine.

The Ghost in the Machine
Very early on, the IRS realized that it needed some core intelligence at the heart of its vast computer network. The machine needed to be able to audit its victims with a vengence not possible with mere circuits and wires; it needed a human soul. These proud agents wait their turn to be beheaded, their naked brains directly driving the cruelest machine in the free world.

Click here quietly and maybe they won't audit you.

Copyright (C) 1996, 1997 by Kevin Kelm