Ever since the photocopier was invented, wild office parties have degenerated to the point where someone inevitably photocopies their ass. Male or female, the result is never appealing-- it's a grainy black and white image that should never have been made. The effect is always the same: the owner of the ass is embarassed, and HR has a fit. As bad as that is, it's ten times worse when someone photocopies their butt during regular off-hours when nobody's looking.

The Pressed Ham Project is an attempt to stir the pot just a bit more. Modern day copiers usually have integrated functions; they're also printers and scanners. This is where the fun begins.

Anybody who can anonymously print to their office photocopier/printer, or who can make printouts elsewhere and slip them into a photocopier.

Nothing upsets management more than the thought that people are having fun at the office. And the thought of some miscreant pressing his pale ass to the machines in the office and leaving copies in the output trays is-- beyond outrageous. The culprit must be caught immediately! This is the stuff that uncomfortable staff meetings are made of.

(What + Why) * Who = Hilarity Ensues

  1. Print this test image to one of your office printer/photocopier machines (obviously, the prank doesn't make sense if you don't have a combined unit). Pick up the printout and inspect it to see if there's any information printed in the headers or footers that identifies who printed it-- if there is, you can't play this game without getting fired! If the printout is devoid of identifying information, you can go on to the next step at your own risk (Nobody wants to get fired over this). Alternatively, you can print it out on a normal printer, and slip the result into the output bin of a copier... but this is a bit riskier. Of course, then you can place them in the photocopier at Kinko's, the library, the church...

  2. Open one of the ass PDFs below and print it once, twice... maybe three times, at your discretion. If you have more than one such printer in your office, repeat these steps as necessary (including printing the test page) using different ass images, and management will think there's some kind of mad ass freak in the office.

  3. Send this page to your friends (but never your co-workers!), and never-- ever-- speak of this to anyone at work again.

  4. Tell us what happened as a result of your prank! If you don't hear anything about it after a few days, you can decide to repeat steps 1-4 again. Try printing more copies, or sending it to more printer/copiers, maybe, until management notices.

  5. See what everybody else has to say.

Anonymous Ass Donors
It hardly bears noting that these images are Not Safe For Work.

Butt 1 Butt 2 Butt 3 Butt 4

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From: xxxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 1:12 PM
To:  Booyah
Subject: Mystery Man

Someone left evidence of their rear-end in the fax/copy machine.

Allen handed me a fax, the last page was a copy of an ass.  It wasn't faxed
because there was no fax number printed on the page.  Upon further
investigation, we found smudge marks on the glass.  Who was it? Steve?
Andy? Dan? Was it you Mike?

Accounting Manager

Copyright © 2005 by Kevin Kelm,
All Rights Reserved.

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